Tuesday, June 1, 2010

That Parenting Moment We Hate

It's awards season, concert season, recital season, acknowledgment season.  Every day brings final grades for the kids, projects returned, term papers graded.

While some of these forms of recognition are worth little more than a shrug, some clearly mean more.  Wasabi Girl worked very hard for the state music competition and she received a well-deserved "superior" rating.  It's one of the things she is most proud of this year.

So when the band director took the time at the concert tonight to hand out the certificates one by one to the students who earned them, I was ready with my camera poised to capture her moment...

. . .but then he read all the names except hers.  I felt ill.  The rest of the concert concluded and I saw her go up to ask him the obvious question.  He doesn't know.  He lost it or misplaced it or never got the certificate.  She didn't pretend to be understanding and let him off the hook, but she didn't get mad either.  Nor did she cry.  Instead I read the bitterness on her face.  Her moment and applause was gone.  Even if she receives the certificate later it's not the same as being awarded it alongside her peers.

There are times when there are no words a parent can say to make anything better.  Times when we see a resiliance and a shield go up that we wish didn't have to be there.  I almost wish she had cried or raged or done something to let me in to help her.

But she's too old for that now, and handling things herself.

Meanwhile I cry and rage inside myself.  It was a big deal to her, so it means a lot to me.

7 people stopped folding laundry to write:

jmquilts said...

How difficult!! That really stinks!!

I wish there was a magical way to go back and have the certificate and she could get the applause she deserves. I'm sad for you.

In my heart, I'm standing up and applauding for her! A superior rating is FANTASTIC!!!

Heather said...

That just sucks. I am applauding for your daughter.

The Mother said...

This is why I eschew these events with a passion. I think my oldest was four when I learned that lesson, and he got passed over for something by accident.

Now I don't go. And encourage them not to go, either. They can pick up their rewards the next day.

On the same general theme, I was shocked at how often the pronouncers at son's college graduation totally mangled the names. These are kids who slaved for four years for a prestigious degree, and the pronouncer couldn't even be bothered to look at the pronunciation guide each student handed her as he came to the podium.

See, I shouldn't have gone to that,either.

Melissa said...

That sucks - I like what The Mother does - as an introvert I would love to do that - but my hubs and my kids wouldn't let me off the hook.

So frustrating for you and Wasabi girl...

Alisa said...

That's horrible! We are definitely applauding her! Good for her for standing up for herself and taking care of her own business.

Nancy said...

Oh no!! That's just so wrong. On so many levels. It would take everything in my power to not go off on that guy. Go you for keeping it in. (and you know, public too. ;) )

Rosemary said...

I feel so sorry for both you and Wasabi Girl. I know how much mothers hurt when their children are hurting.

I'm applauding her all the way from over here in Australia. I hope she focuses on her amazing achievement and not on the insult she received by being missed in the presentation.

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