In a Million Words or Less

After the first day of school there is always one person in the family with the most homework: the mom. Here I am in the heart of Silicon Valley, spending hours filling in stacks of forms. With a pen. This drives me crazy. Why can't I do this online somehow?

My Church choir, consisting of many elderly people who sing in Byzantine Greek, communicates by email. If this unlikely group can get their technological act together, why can't my school district?

But today's stack of forms included something even more annoying than the usual "tell me a little about your student's strengths and weaknesses" questions.

I got an assignment. A whopper. "In a million words or less, tell me about your scholar!"

Is she kidding?

I understand the intent. She promises to read all of them and use them to get to know my child.

But that's just so open-ended, I'm tempted to call her bluff and give her a really good long memorable read. I have until September 18. Here's how the first one begins (I get to do these for two of my kids);

It was a dreary misty morning when I opened the front door to get the paper and found that the gypsies had left a small screaming bundle on my doorstep. . .

I'll add in some real facts along the way. But if I get a million words, I'm going to throw in some interesting stuff to pad it a little.