Giving to Dad

Father's Day is one area where I doubt my effectiveness as a mom.  When the kids were babies, I bought the card and gift and signed their names.  When they entered preschool, Sunday School, and elementary school, the lovely creative teachers helped the children make sandcasts of their handprints, funny marshmallow concoctions in the shape of neckties, and pillowcases - with painted handprints and "I love Daddy" on them.  I was so relieved that the teachers went all out like this.  I just sort of went along for the ride as far as Father's Day went.  How could anything outdo these precious gifts?


But the teachers in middle school were decidedly less creative, forcing me to have to step up to the plate.  The kids had limited money so I would go with them to pick a card and pay for something like a plant (Daddy wants a lemon tree!) and orchestrate the whole gift presentation.  I got the nagging feeling that the kids were more observers than participants in the gifting process.

This year it happened again.  My husband's trusty charcoal barbecue grill died a few months ago.  He let us know his resolve to turn his back on briquets and enter the gas grill league.  Then he proceeded to work 16 hour days and travel every other week.  The gift that would delight him was obvious.

As Father's Day approached, I pow-wowed with the kids on gift ideas.  Shrugs and blank stares.  I floated the grill idea.  Their relief was obvious.  Mom would take care of the whole thing again.

Let's be clear.  I knew about as much about gas grills as I know about building an aircraft carrier.  I fired up the computer and began my internet research.  Hours and hours later I found the perfect model, well within my price range.  The catch?  It's only sold at the big box hardware store down the street that I can't stand.  I feel the same way about hardware stores in general as some men probably feel about needlepoint shops.  My mind goes numb and I want to get out as fast as possible.  The salespeople are always unable to help me and the lines are painfully long.

So when Drama Girl needed a trip to the library on Saturday I bargained with her that she needed to go with me to the hardware store.  We pulled up and Hooray!  Lines of grills lined up OUTSIDE THE DOORS!  I wouldn't have to go in!  There was the model I needed.  I couldn't believe my good luck.  Thirty minutes and two trips through the cashier later, I had the grill in the minivan and even the very last free apron "gift with purchase" (who knew hardware stores speak my language?)

As we pulled up to the house I consulted with Drama Girl on how we should announce our surprise.  Her solution?  She brought in the apron to give her dad.  Then she broke the news that his new grill was waiting in the car.

He was thrilled.  Mission accomplished.

I still have a nagging suspicion that this is the wrong way to teach kids about giving.  When they're out on their own, nobody is going to organize their thoughtfulness for them.  I can only hope that they internalize the joy they feel in seeing the recipient of a gift really love the thoughtfulness that went into it.

As for me, even though this experience was relatively painless, I'm hoping to never have to endure that hardware store ever again.

Now tell me, at what point do your kids come up with and procure gifts for others?  Do they pick out gifts for friends birthdays and holidays?  Do you remember at what age you became responsible for gift-giving?