With heart and hands

It's been a rough few days.  I think it's just best to acknowledge it as life moves forward.  I was pretty shaken by the bombings in Boston.  I remember the feelings I had after 9/11.  Not feeling safe.  Feeling exposed.

My kids were very small on 9/11.  They've grown up in a world where these things happen.  Just like they've grown up in a world of computers.  This is their reality.  They seem to handle the news better than I do.  Do they see the world differently than I do?  I imagine they must.  The shock is not as great.  For them there never was a time "before."   I try, as a parent, to teach them resilience skills.  Sometimes I learn from them, as I check in to be sure what they are feeling is not indifference.

On Tuesday after running some errands I picked up a small journal at a shop, bought a burrito in another, and went and sat in a park for a while.  I don't usually treat myself to time off like that, but I felt the need to get out of the house.  I watched the kids play and the gardeners mow the grass.  The gardeners tested the sprinklers and used the lawn edgers and I sat and felt the sun and smelled the fresh-cut grass.  And I wrote.  I wrote and wrote and wrote in that little journal.  All the jibberish of my feelings and ideas.

This morning I woke up at 5:00.  Not insomnia really - the cat has been waking me up early every day.  Today I didn't go back to sleep though, I grabbed another journal that was handy and I wrote and wrote.  Pros and cons of a decision I have to make.  Lists of things I want to do.  Ideas for the blog.  Ideas for a book.  Pages and pages of thoughts and ideas.

You'd think with all that practice writing I'd put posts up on my blog more.  But this was a different kind of writing.  Cathartic and healing.  It's a very positive practice for me.  It is a form of medition and mind-clearing.  It helps my brain move on.

My heart goes out to everyone who was affected.  To honor them, I started on another charity quilt.  Moving my hands also helps my heart.  The recipient will probably not have anything to do with the Boston tragedy, but it doesn't matter.  It's all about tipping the scales further in the direction of love for humanity.

These are not tough times we live in.  They are not bad times, or evil times.  It is just the time we have.  I am grateful for so much, not the least of which is the abundance of affordable journals available everywhere now.

I wonder if many people are using those journals like I have over the past few days.  Most of all, if you are reading this, I hope that you find an outlet that helps calm your nerves and heals your heart and gives you strength.