Sunday, October 26, 2008

Halloween Candy Law

In an effort to keep my readers informed, I am going to spend some time today explaining an important, but often overlooked, law that will affect all of us in the near future.

I'm speaking of the Candy Tax. Not only is this a Federal statute, I think it is worldwide. I believe this law will soon be put before Congress for a vote to amend the Constitution.

Simply put, the parents of any youthful recipients of large amounts of candy are entitled to a percentage of said candy. This percentage is up to and including any and all snickers bars if they constitute 10% or less of the total haul. Candy that has been collected in pillowcases or other outrageously large containers is subject to a 15% Candy Tax. This covers the time and stress of the parent having to manually inspect each piece upon re-entry of the youthful person into the home.

In the case of really awful sour candy being the sole form of candy collected, the candy recipients may petition for a deferment of the candy tax until such time as they receive a form of candy acceptable to the candy assessor. For example, if at Halloween the recipient returns home only with awful sour candy, they owe the parent the ears and feet of the next chocolate Easter bunny they receive.

Additional taxes may be levied in the case of a parent creating a homemade costume. Because said costume was created in an effort to assist the Candy Recipient in accumulating more candy, the parent may collect up to and including all snickers, 3 Musketeers, and Hershey bars in compensation for their time.

The payment of the tax is at the sole discretion of the parent, and may include substituting Reeses for Snickers if they so desire.

Candy eaten on the way home from trick-or-treating still counts towards the total haul, and parents should take into account not only the number of pieces of candy, but the number of wrappers present during candy inventory.

If the candy tax is not promptly paid, the candy may have to go on time out on a high shelf in the kitchen until such time as the parent can properly inspect it and collect the tax.

22 people stopped folding laundry to write:

Angela Fehr said...

Love it! I wrote a blog post once about rules for candy consumption - may have to make this an addendum!

Jillybean said...

I love it!!

You even got my favorites right. (I will substitute the Reese's for the Snickers)
And I always make their costumes.

One year, I hid the kid's candy on Halloween night, and they didn't even miss it. (they were quite young at the time.)

Jocasta said...

Ha Ha Very funny!

Anonymous said...

LOL that's a great law!

Laura said...

Well crafted.

What A Card said...

Hee! Very funny :)

And I guess one of the few good things about food allergies is that my kids' candy tax is 100%. Yes, I'm taking them trick or treating, but then they have to give all their candy to mommy and daddy (in exchange for a special nut-free Halloween pack I've made for them. I'm not totally cruel!)

I hope they get lots and lots of reese's peanutbutter cups :)

Eileen said...

I'll vote for that!

Aimee said...

An excellent break-down of the precepts of Candy Economics. The 10% chocolate tax is striclty enforced in our house, with loot bag audits being conducted at random and frequent intervals.

Elizabeth said...

I think 10% is low...but I make up for it on the homemade costume additional tax levy...
Do I get an even higher percentage because they are each wearing two different costumes this year??? I'm thinking 40-50%...what do you think?

LauraC said...

I heartily agree, although maybe the Snickers can be worded as candy of choosing. Oddly, I power down Mr Goodbars at Halloween time and at no other time of the year!

Lidian said...

What a brilliant law! I love it.

Gerb said...

We call this "Parent Tax" at our house. But you worded it so well, I am thinking I may print it up and have each kid sign a copy before they leave for trick-or-treating. You're a genius!

Anonymous said...

Already collected my first installment from trunk or treat in the form of all snickers.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Clever mom. Brilliant writer.

mames said...

that is an excellent law to know as we enter the age of candy consumption. come visit and enter my first giveaway. love to give to another crafting mama. smiles.

Unknown said...

Ha! Can't wait to sneak most of Monkey's candy! He'll never notice... :)

Anonymous said...

I hope this is going to be on the ballot!

Anonymous said...

haha too funny .. I'm sure I used to try something similar with my little sister

Cheryl Lage said...

Krackel. It's all about the Krackel.
As the supplier of roll upon roll of mummy-wrapping gauze, and the crafter of wings for a nocturnal flying rodent, I feel unlimited by any strict "percentage." (And I already have a blemish to prove it...)

Great post, ThreeUnder!

WIDNEY WOMAN said...

My brother taught me about this tax and all taxes during the Trudeau years in Canada (I believe it was the '70s). For example: He would give me 5 chips and take 3 back for "Trudeau Taxes". And so it went until the end of the bag. I now exert a "Bush Tax" on my children...

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I don't have any kids, so can I enforce this tax on children of relatives and neighbors? And finally, someone who agrees with me about that NASTY sour candy.

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