MRI scans for fun and recreation

Calm down. CALM DOWN! I kept telling myself at the imaging center. I was so nervous I was jumping through my skin. Not enough sleep the night before, and too many horror stories in my mind about experiences during MRI scans.

The irony didn't escape me. Back when I coordinated the University Alzheimer's Research Center, I used to set patients up for brain MRIs all the time. "It will be noisy," I'd say. "You will need to lie still in a big tube, but you'll be just fine." Then invariably the patients or their caregivers would come back and tell me how really noisy it was, and how awful the tube was. What was I thinking reassuring patients about this anyway? I thought about all that bad karma while I sat in the waiting room at 6 o'dark.

The facility was lovely, in that expensive woodsy spa-type decor. A technician greeted me and led me to my dressing room, which had a sliding door with tinted windows that looked like a Shoji screen. There was a large, comfortable recliner in the room and a tasteful wooden locker. It looked like a nice place to get your nails done, or maybe your eyebrows waxed.

I was given a clipboard with a checklist of the thousand types of metal I might have in my body. I was also handed the dreaded hospital gown/pants combo. I changed and lingered a little before I signaled the tech by opening the door again. That room was so nice.

Then into the MRI room. I was given earplugs and noise-cancelling headphones. The technician put a panic button in my hand "in case I needed it" and in I went. I thought it would be a big tube. It's not. Have you ever seen a hamster in a toilet paper roll? It's like that. I couldn't move a muscle. I started to breathe hard. I didn't like looking at the ceiling inches from my eyes. The technician, who is apparently well-trained in mind reading, asked if I wanted a washcloth over my eyes. Oh yes.

Then she started pumping the oxygen. Right up my nose. I searched my mind for calm thoughts. Anything. Bang Bang Bang. It had started

Cool breeze. Lying still. I pictured myself on a beach. Hawaii. Eyes closed. CLICKITY CLICKITY CLICKITY CLICKITY. Is that you Viggo? How nice of you to come by. Lovely day, isn't it? I'm so glad you decided to wear those shorts from GI Jane. Yes, a daiquiri would be lovely.

BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!! Oh Johnny, good to see you. Viggo and I were just enjoying the beach. You're a bit of a beach bum yourself, aren't you? I could just lie here all day with the two of you. Mmmmmmmm

"Ms. Undertwo? Did you fall asleep? It's over. You can get up now."

Not that I'd sign up to do it again or anything, but the company wasn't too bad.

What has the elf been up to?

Oh dear, Duncan seems to miss the snowy North. He and Meteor got into a snowball fight with some cotton balls. I like Meteor's fortification technique, while Duncan simply hides behind a chair leg.