Friday, September 12, 2008

I refuse to follow instructions

Dear people at GK gymnastics wear,

Thank you for attaching care instructions to the garment I purchased for Wasabi Girl today. I'm sure they took some effort to compose, and you attached no fewer than two copies, so you must be pretty serious about them.

Unfortunately, I will not be able to comply, because my life is already a little too busy, and I can't organize even one more routine.

Let's review what you would like me to do;

All caps, separate paragraph. You really don't want me to hand wash this, do you? Just what damage do you think I'm going to do with my bare hands and a little woolite?

Turn garment inside out. Machine wash individually in a large volume of cold water on gentle cycle. Must use a very mild *liquid* detergent. We strongly recommend using Ivory Snow *liquid* detergent.
The inside out part shouldn't be a problem, since most of my children deliver most of their clothes to the wash inside out. Washing individually in a large volume of cold water though, seems a tad impractical, no? Does this garment need to swim free to get really clean? I do so many loads of laundry, I really cannot fit in another two loads during the week to wash this twice for Wasabi Girl's class. So sorry. And it gets Tide liquid. That will just have to be close enough.
DO NOT use bleach, harsh or granular detergents or liquid fabric softener.
Again with the capital letters. Did you know that's considered shouting? And if a load seems skanky, it's getting a shovel full of oxy-clean. Great grainy wonderful stuff.
DO remove immediately from washer and tumble dry on low or no heat setting.
Whoa. Sorry again. I have to drive around a lot, like to that gymnastics place, ballet school, piano lessons - you get my drift. I throw a load in and put it in the dryer when I have time when I get back. I really can't just sit there waiting for a load to finish.
Do Not hang or lay flat to dry and DO NOT use dryer sheets.
Or what? Are you going to come check on me? I'm thinking at this point I may lay it flat to dry just to spite you. And dryer sheets? My best friend, next to the oxy-clean.

I guess I'm just going to have to be a rebel.

You see Jungle Boy was on the gymnastics team for a few years and I was more than a little haphazard when I washed his garments. They never faded, or pilled, or curled, or did anything awful. On the day he outgrew each piece it was as bright and perfect as the day he got it.

So I'm just going to throw all caution to the wind, because this garment? It's underwear. If it really gets trashed after I wash it a bajillion times the wrong way, I will buy her a brand new pair.

But I'll never say you didn't warn me.

17 people stopped folding laundry to write:

zakkalife said...

LOL, what odd washing directions. I've never come across a garment that couldn't be hand washed yet could be machine washed.

Anonymous said...


What a waste of ink. And wasn't some of that sort of redundant?


This makes me want to go read all of my garment labels to see if I can find any more stupidity. Or, if I'm feeling rebellious, I might just rips the labels off the pillows and mattresses! Let them come and arrest me, I dare them!

Cheryl Lage said...

Hmmm....perhaps could the Ivory soap folks have some influence on the literature distributed with the new gymnastics wear?

Bossy clothes displease me. Put them in their place, ThreeUnder.
(That place being the washing machine...)

PS Tagged you for a meme if you're game...

Mom/Mum said...

For real???? Go on, throw caution to the wind, I love a rebel!

Tammy said...

Funny stuff! I usually don't follow instructions on tags. Our clothes all seem to survive my laundering. P.S. I love your blog, and thanks for leaving me a comment on mine.

Liz Jimenez said...

I dunno... it might burst into flames if you dare to let anything but Ivory soap touch it. Oooh, or maybe it's a gremlin garment, and any time a dryer sheet touches it, it spawns 100 evil leotards?

Anonymous said...

OMG, seriously all these instructions anymore on garments. Usually they just slap the dry clean label on anymore so that they are not responsible for any trouble. I scandously wash all those too! It's just hilarious!

Nancy said...

HAHAHAHA! Oh, I was going to have to shudder that yet another person out there isn't reading the instructions that some poor sap wrote (I must read everything as a professional courtesy to my fellow technical writers)...but MAN, this is worse than those typical translated instructions. I weep for my profession. *sigh*


Lidian said...

Listen, I'm with you. I'm still laughing as I write this - they're lucky anyone is even WASHING this stuff and it is CLEAN. Bottom line: wash, dry, clean. Right?

Unless maybe they would like to come over help you out?

I love those dryer sheets too. They are the best! Toss em in!

Des said...

OH, you can thank our ever-lovin' litigious society we live in. I love a rebel! I love the comment, "bossy clothes displease me!!"

kids taxi driver said...

I always enjoy reading your blog as I know that if I need a laugh or something to lighten my day, it will be your crazy household. It is amazing how much ours is alike!!!

debi9kids said...

LOL GREAT post! I am not a rule follower either! LOL (well, ok, I follow LAWS, but not rules)

Laura said...

There is just NO way I would do that either. Throw it in...hope for the best. Works for me all the time.
(Maybe a few mess ups here and there but I still wouldn't change my routine.)

Amy said...

yes sometimes clothing has the weirdest instructions...why would anyone want to bleach them and do such things anyway?>

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

This is the blessing of being old enough to need reading glasses. Not being able to see the laundry instructions on tags. ;-)


I do what I need to do with my laundry. If we are in a slim phase, I wash in warm water, like the label says. If we are in a fat phase, I wash in cold water.

My husband developed some funky laundry soap allergy a couple of years back. There is no one who is going to tell me what soap to buy. I buy what does not cause a rash.

Hand wash? I throw that baby in and pray. My prayers usually work in the laundry room.

Oh, and dryer sheets? I guess if you were washing and drying 1 piece of clothing, you wouldn't need one. But to my recollection, tights tend to need dryer sheets more than just about any other article of clothing.

Purple and Paisley said...

i love your blog and your posts! so i was thrilled that you stopped by my blog and left a comment! thank you so much!

as far as washing instructions? what a hoot...i wash absolutely everything and just keep my fingers've got to be kidding me if you think i am going to hand wash or dry clean my grandkids stuff...good grief! they just look at their clothes and they get dirty plus they grow out of everything in about 5 minutes! =)

thank you again for reading and leaving a comment on my blog! i am flattered!

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